you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
