the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
