Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
