your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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