I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
