He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
