i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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