I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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