I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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