i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
