You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
