Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
