I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
