I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
