She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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