I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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