When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The uberlube is also flammable
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
