i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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