im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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