either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
