I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize