Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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