The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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