Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
