What did we do last night that was yellow?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
