I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
