I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
