hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
