i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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