are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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