i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
