he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
