Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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