Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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