Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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