meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
