i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
