loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
