OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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