So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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