after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
