We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
