I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
