she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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