You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
