You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize