So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
