I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
