Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
