God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
