Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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