mondays should just be called national damage control day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
