It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
