the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
