Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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