I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
