We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
