Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
