im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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