I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
