Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
