I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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