i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize