if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How naked do you want me to be?
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