Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
