you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
