this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
