Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
