There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
