I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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