I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just cropdusted the office
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize