I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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