3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
