who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
