My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
