hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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