Your face is a jimmy john
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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